Tommorroww your ded

Do you still know how to write? You, and your once torrid affair with words, what have you become? How long have you been resting in that graveyard of decaying imagination and lifeless inspiration? Why can’t you finish a basic press release? What’s so taxing about writing the what-where-when of a concert that means nothing to you, that it’s been three days since you started writing it?

Are you suffering a rare writer’s dementia that you’re starting to lose things that were once lodged deeply within your soul?

Have you lost everything…even basic sintax end spelling? Your out of your mine, arent you.? Start saying good by now. Tommorrow, youll forgot dot you wear ones a righter. Tommorroww, every ting else wheel banish. Gun. Yew cloze you’re ice end every ting dyes end drops dead. Nuthing else exsists butt you.

Dementia. Solipsism.

Protected: Job satisfaction

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Dear you…

(part 1)

This January, I intend to (permanently) leave this office. Although this is the only place we get to (sporadically) see each other (since you’ve done enough to emphasize that there will never be a “seeing-each-other” outside this building), I do swear that by that time, no emotions are left to make me miss you.

And I don’t intend to say goodbye. Not to you, and not to anyone else from this stinkingly corrupt premise. I plan to VANISH.

No formalities, NOTHING.

Frustrated

Although I’m glad to be designated as the SOLE breadwinner in the family, it isn’t always peachy-keen for me especially ’cause I have to keep a job that I don’t like. Yes, my job now pays waaaay better. Yes, it’s easy to let the job kill your soul for the cash. But, no, it’s not doing any good to my sanity…especially because I’ve grown to hate being in this office.

Relief?

Earlier I overheard the boss telling DC to bring his girlfriend to the concert of the boss’s daughter. At least now I don’t have to have this inner struggle on whether I should REALLY like him or not, and on whether I should do something about that feeling or not. There’s no need for that inner struggle now.

I’m just confused why, instead of relief, there’s this sting when I heard my boss’s words “your girlfriend.”

But that’s OK, because I still have bigger things to worry about (family, money, bills, work, raket deadlines, etc.)… and besides, I still have ♥Edward♥.

More talk on fiction (and how I react to them strangely)

I mentioned in an earlier post that I tend to be so (unhealthily) absorbed in fiction: be it films, TV series, video games, and MOST especially books. Unlike your normal, mentally healthy individual, I tend to live them. That’s how absorbed I am. I really can’t help it, but I do try.

Insobriety 2 (or how to get out of an awkward mess)

As I posted earlier, I’ll be discussing how I explained my (drunken) behavior the other night to my co-worker. I’ll just give you a transcription of the conversation.

Warning: This is pretty awkward, methinks.

Insobriety 1

"Should You Be Laughing at This?" by Hugleikur Dagsson

I have always hated the expression “in vino veritas.” I hate that despite its triteness, some people still use it as if it’s an original and intellectual thing to say. I hate that it soooo states the obvious: they might as well come out with an intelligent-sounding idiomatic expression that directly translates to “if you jump from a 30-storey building, you die.”

But who am I to argue about an age-old idiom, right?

So, why am I getting all riled up over one stupid wine adage?

strength

I can’t be happier being designated as the sole breadwinner of the family. Thing is, I can’t help but feel the pressure sometimes…especially when it comes to work. Without a good-paying one, I don’t know what will happen to my family. How can we afford the rent, the parents’ medicines, the groceries, the water and electricity bill, and the maid’s salary if I’m not being paid enough?

How to lose five pounds in one day…

In my previous offices, I’ve always hated having to fill up forms just to request for supplies, transportation, etc. They could have just let impatient old Iya sign some stupid ledger, for frak’s sake. I always thought the whole give-me-some-damn-supplies ritual was bureaucratic. I think there was even a time when I ended up stealing from the supplies closet just so I could use something.

Then I started working for the government.

two jobs, so help me God

Yes, two jobs for me. From 9 to 5 I whore myself out as a PR for this government agency, then afterwards I go straight to my old job and work till the evening. So why do I subject myself in such punishment? Well, aside from the fact that I need that much money for the family, I still can’t quit my old job because apparently in the new office you don’t get to receive your first paycheck until after two months of working. Apparently, that’s how it is in government agencies, it takes a damn loooong time for them to process your papers. I hope I don’t get into trouble for this because I really need these jobs. Hopefully, even if I’m already regularly getting my salary in the new office, I can still maintain my old job. Yes, I’m willing to work my ass off just for the money. Need it, badly need it for the family. Of course maintaining a double job is just wishful thinking for me…chances are I’d get in trouble for this.

the twenty-something woman ceases to be…

It’s been a long while since I last posted entries in both my multiply and wordpress blogs. I’ve been busy. Busy deciding. Busy making up my mind. Busy agitating even over the littlest matter. Tomorrow I start on my new job. Haven’t filed resignation in my current office yet, but I will on Monday. Technically I’ll just be on leave here.

Tomorrow is yet another rebirth in my life. New job, new people…plus a promise that I have to keep for my mom. I promised her I’ll quit my smoking tomorrow. I’m nervous. Can I keep an orderly/strict 8-to-5 office routine? Can I stay away from cigarettes? Am I capable of such things?

mag-ti-3am na, angTV na!

Dito pa din ako sa office, malapit nang matapos sa easy part ng project. Tinatawag na ako ng antok.

Halika na Iya, sabi niya. Uwi ka na dito sa house. Masarap dito matulog, o, ang lambot ng kama, pangugutya pa nya. Andito pamangkin mo, si Baby Raygun, ang sarap ng tulog niya. Gusto daw nya katabi ka mag-sleep kasi kulang daw sya ng love-love sayo.

Wow, pare. Ayos sa trip ‘to, ah. Kung anu-ano na ang naririnig ko.

*Somewhere, from up in the heavens, as Iya continues to be swallowed whole by these delusions, the original Marlboro man looks down at her. Ayos ka tsong, he said to her. Nakakailang kaha ka na dyan? Balak mo pa atang sundan ako dito.

I’ll treat myself to a new tattoo after this…

It’s 11:24 p.m., I’m alone here in this floor, working my ass off in the office. No overtime pay. Not even a brief acknowledgment from the boss, considering that the people involved in this project are fast asleep right now…except me…considering that I don’t have my own car, not even a service to take me home during the wee hours of the morning. Tomorrow, I have to be here as early as 9 a.m. I should have just brought a change of clothes so I won’t have to go home.

Not even a tap in the back. You’re not the one bringing in the money, Lilith, so screw you. Screw acknowledgments. Screw OT payments. Screw the tap on the back. Screw this work, I’m going to sleep now. No, wait, I can’t.

After this, I’ll go get myself a new tattoo. I’ll have the mad artist design it for me.

I should also probably get myself a new job. Or some sleeping pills to relax me. Or a new boyfriend. Screw the boyfriend, I’ll just go get myself a new pet.

Funny because it’s supposed to be Araw ng Kalayaan today. Screw Aguinaldo, Bonifacio and the Katipuneros. No freedom for me here.

What the hell am I saying?

Back to work, Lilith, and don’t fall asleep. You’ll probably be here until 3 in the morning.

Still alone in the office.

P.S.

If you’re reading this in the morning and in the news you heard about goons bitten (not beaten) to death, those were probably my molars. They fought off those darned rapists. Haha. Really sleepy now. Not even a coffeemaker in this damned office.

strange land

For the past two weeks, I’ve been working like mad (leaving the office at around 11 p.m., every frakking day!). Recently though, I discovered this madman’s strange land and I’ve been addicted to his site ever since. So, instead of checking/updating my multiply account just to give me a breather from work, I just check out the works of this genius. Grabe, nakaka-in love. Well, not exactly in love.

You know the feeling you get when you see an extremely good looking guy (or girl) walk in front of you? The tension, the stimulation, and the urge to just kiss the guy (although you won’t)? I get that same sense every time I see works of art that fit my taste (i.e. dark, surreal, bordering to demented).

Grabe, idol talaga siya. Gusto ko na siyang i-kiss, kahit isa lang. hahaha. ;p

Eherm...back to work!

very, very short fiction

“Never show weakness,” bellowed the lion-tamer. “They can smell it.” The apprentice looked dubiously at the lions, particularly one grumpy-looking, scarred lioness. “What about moral weakness?” he asked. “I steal cable and drive an SUV. Also, I cheat on girlfriends.” Quickly the lion-tamer raised his chair, catching the lioness in mid-pounce.

(http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/story2.html)

Got this link from my growing multiply network. Fifty-five word stories created by different writers. Perfect if you have short attention span or if you want to take a breather from your office drudgery.

These are pretty entertaining, but I think yosi breaks are still better. =p

Done!

Still can’t believe that I’m done with my raket already. Of course I wasn’t able to do it right away because I had to take care of official business first (bottomline is office work always comes first). But I was given five days to finish it…no thanks to the procrastination infliction, I only had a day to do ALL of it. This whole self-inflicted muntik-mapahamak brouhaha taught me three things: 1)it’s never a good thing to delay work (no matter how tough it is); 2) there’s a BIG difference between procrastination and writer’s block, and 3) that…well, OK, two things lang pala.

Solitaire (or Text Twist) Culture

My favorite online magazine Slate currently centers on the theme procrastination. So apt…I’m (supposed to be) working on a raket right now, I’m (supposed to be) writing the text of a brochure for this hospital, my deadline is today…and I’m pretty sure I won’t be submitting it on time. Why? Procrastination. I tried starting it last Saturday, but I ended up playing solitaire, Text Twist, updating my blog, going on a DVD marathon, exercising, checking my friendster account, then I go back to microsoft word realizing that the word document is BLANK. Then I start focusing again, emptying my pack of Marlboros, concentrating real hard…but nothing comes out. So I go back procrastinating again: solitaire-text twist-blogging-blog hopping-DVD-exercise-friendster. Earlier I checked my friend’s blog, and she’s also suffering a writer’s block…and she’s also trying to beat the deadline. There must be a bug spreading around…and it only inflicts writers. But why is it that I can write these looong blog entries, yet I can’t even start my raket? Is my case procrastination or writer’s block? Must be both.