A prayer

I haven’t completely recovered yet from a worthless pain an equally worthless (and heartless) man has inflicted on me,  but I am already facing two new problems. MAJOR ONES.

Lilith’s Prayer

Pasingtabi po…some may find this “prayer” offensive. Wrote this last night on my cellphone, while I was (desperately) trying to get some sleep. Wasak lang po to.

Deprived

"Sleep" by Salvador Dali

There’s nothing to like about sleep-depravation. And it has nothing to do with you feeling lethargic the whole day. Heck, I can sleep for just two hours and wake up as if I have an energy of an eight-hour rest.

What I hate about it, though, is it weakens my spirit. It makes me vulnerable to all sorts of negative (yet baseless) thoughts.

Right now, I’m being haunted by my abandonment fears. What if you decided to just disappear and leave me?

Deaths and dignity

For the past few days, I’ve been running around with a broken umbrella. Somehow, someone from the house switched my decent, good-as-new, foldable black brolly to this mangled yellow one.

manic-defective

I didn’t realize it’s been weeks since I last blogged. I think I even almost forgot how to blog. I didn’t add anything in this blog for the past few weeks because partly I’ve been busy…and mostly because  I’ve gone through overwhelming emotions. Emotions sooo big that I don’t think my mortal 5′4″-115 lbs-self can carry it.

The “Intellectuals” and Twilight

I perfectly understand people who have seen the Twilight movie (but haven’t read the book) who don’t get the hype behind the Twilight phenomena. I also understand Twilight-ers who’ve seen the flick and are disappointed. The movie didn’t meet my expectations after all.

What I don’t get are people trying to give their “intellectual” opinion on the movie. I can be quite defensive when it comes to them.

Today is the Philippine National Twilight Day

Rawr!

Today’s the day we finally get to see the flick we’ve been waiting for months/weeks. My sister and her co-workers already bought sure-seat tickets…and they bought one for me too. Good thing they’re such rabid fans…and I get to tag along to their rabid-ness.

I’m already on a countdown. Can’t wait to watch Twilight this 6:30 p.m. I hope my boss would allow me to leave the office early.

Something in my belly

If you didn’t know me and you didn’t know about my non-existent love life, you’d probably think I’m preggers. I’m nauseous, I have morning sickness, I’m sensitive to odors, I feel weak, and I have weird cravings, yet not all dishes appeal to me. This has been going on for almost three days already. At least your pregger-theory is better than mine. My theory? An alien abducted me in my sleep and implanted something evil in my belly.

A Series of Unfortunate(ly Stupid) Events

Chain-smoking retread

They say bad luck comes in threes. Well, with how much bad luck I’ve summoned in just a few weeks, I’m pretty sure there’s no truth to that expression. But then again, the things that happened weren’t really bad luck, they’re mostly created by my own stupidity. I’m like a dumber, third-world version of Bridget Jones.

Becoming Nurse Betty

"Edward..are you talking to me? Oh, yes, Edward, I'd be glad to surrender my life to you. Yes, yes, yes."

Sometimes I fear that I’m just a few crazy neurons away from becoming Nurse Betty. Although nothing tragic has happened to me (the stressor that unleashed Nurse Betty’s inner wacko), I’ve been obsessing over the Twilight series, over Edward Cullen, over Robert Pattinson (the guy portraying Edward in the upcoming movie), that it has, at some instances, becoming uncontrollable.

More talk on fiction (and how I react to them strangely)

I mentioned in an earlier post that I tend to be so (unhealthily) absorbed in fiction: be it films, TV series, video games, and MOST especially books. Unlike your normal, mentally healthy individual, I tend to live them. That’s how absorbed I am. I really can’t help it, but I do try.

Still floating…

I’m still reading the e-book “Midnight Sun” (part of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series) in between work…so my co-workers are probably confused why this stupid smile and giggle every now and then. (I’d hit myself in the head if I saw for myself how I looked)

Haaaaay. Still on a daze. I should get used to this giddy feeling. Haaaay.

Eherm! *tries to regain composure*

Before I go back to work again (then go back into finishing the e-book), here’s something I’d like to share…

What would you do if someone unbelievably perfect and painfully gorgeous thought this about you:

"...her existence alone was excuse enough to justify the creation of the entire world..."

Aaaah…

Walang ko-kontra if I’m being cheesy, hehe.

Haaay. I think I’m in love with a fictional character…only this time he’s from a book and not some psychopathic demi-god from a violent video game.

More ‘Twilight’

Because I’m still under a “Twilight” daze (book 1 pa lang, naloloka na ako, haha!), I just have this one thought: are there overweight vampires? Yes, all of the vampires we know of are sexy…but do they follow some sort of “diet” to keep themselves fit? Or does it have to do with being “undead” which renders their internal organs useless (no need to burn calories, etc., etc.)?

I think the world is better off without me as a vampire. You see, with my FEROCIOUS appetite, I can eat a whole damn village in just one night. With my insatiable appetite, I’d be the first overweight bloodsucker to exist.

In “Twilight,” they compared a non-human eating vampire (who’d just feed on animals) to a human vegan. Well, I’m far from having a disciplined diet…I try not to think of my food as something (or someone) with emotions, because that just takes all the fun out of it.

So if Lilith becomes a vampire, and she has such uncontrollable hunger, then there goes the population of Las Piñas. I’d spare the kids, though…

Romance

I try to veer away from book series, because then I’d have to buy the entire collection. I try to veer away from vampire novels because the ex boyfriend already associated himself so much with them (besides…I just don’t really like Anne Rice). Most of all, I try not to bother reading uber romantic novels, because I’m already idealistic as it is and reading them would be unhealthy for me. The last time I picked up an ultra romantic novel was around 15 years ago…at that age I already knew that my psychological make-up isn’t built for such stories.

Interracial

"Hmmm...you smell good b1tch...come'on, gimme some sugah!"

While Obama and that really, really old white Republican dude go at it (town-hall debates) like some gay interracial couple prepping up for an 0rgy, I’m here fantasizing about how I can go “interracial” with either Rihanna or Chris Brown. (Why the hell am I using the same language I use in searching for internet p0rn?)

Insobriety 2 (or how to get out of an awkward mess)

As I posted earlier, I’ll be discussing how I explained my (drunken) behavior the other night to my co-worker. I’ll just give you a transcription of the conversation.

Warning: This is pretty awkward, methinks.

Insobriety 1

"Should You Be Laughing at This?" by Hugleikur Dagsson

I have always hated the expression “in vino veritas.” I hate that despite its triteness, some people still use it as if it’s an original and intellectual thing to say. I hate that it soooo states the obvious: they might as well come out with an intelligent-sounding idiomatic expression that directly translates to “if you jump from a 30-storey building, you die.”

But who am I to argue about an age-old idiom, right?

So, why am I getting all riled up over one stupid wine adage?

strength

I can’t be happier being designated as the sole breadwinner of the family. Thing is, I can’t help but feel the pressure sometimes…especially when it comes to work. Without a good-paying one, I don’t know what will happen to my family. How can we afford the rent, the parents’ medicines, the groceries, the water and electricity bill, and the maid’s salary if I’m not being paid enough?

9/11 jitters

I just realized we will be riding a plane to Macau on the 9/11anniversary. Here’s praying nothing surreal or scary happens. *crosses fingers*

To my beloved terrorists, I suggest you come up with other gimmicks. Organize a parade. Have a giant-sized inflatable Eddie Murphy as a mascot. That would definitely terrorize us. Promise.

Plastic China

I guess in so many ways China has firmly established its reputation as a country of fakes. Of course, we all know about the fake designer bags and accessories, pirated DVDs, fake Nokias, even fake food (I remember reading about a restaurant in China serving fake siopao: buns stuffed with shredded cardboard soaked in animal fat to make it taste like real food). And the recent Olympic opening isn’t helping their reputation either, to think that they were hoping it would salvage their image. How ironic, no?

A desperate and futile call

You know I’m super busy with work and all, but this is one issue I just can’t ignore. I feel like I need to purge my head from this…

mag-ti-3am na, angTV na!

Dito pa din ako sa office, malapit nang matapos sa easy part ng project. Tinatawag na ako ng antok.

Halika na Iya, sabi niya. Uwi ka na dito sa house. Masarap dito matulog, o, ang lambot ng kama, pangugutya pa nya. Andito pamangkin mo, si Baby Raygun, ang sarap ng tulog niya. Gusto daw nya katabi ka mag-sleep kasi kulang daw sya ng love-love sayo.

Wow, pare. Ayos sa trip ‘to, ah. Kung anu-ano na ang naririnig ko.

*Somewhere, from up in the heavens, as Iya continues to be swallowed whole by these delusions, the original Marlboro man looks down at her. Ayos ka tsong, he said to her. Nakakailang kaha ka na dyan? Balak mo pa atang sundan ako dito.

I’ll treat myself to a new tattoo after this…

It’s 11:24 p.m., I’m alone here in this floor, working my ass off in the office. No overtime pay. Not even a brief acknowledgment from the boss, considering that the people involved in this project are fast asleep right now…except me…considering that I don’t have my own car, not even a service to take me home during the wee hours of the morning. Tomorrow, I have to be here as early as 9 a.m. I should have just brought a change of clothes so I won’t have to go home.

Not even a tap in the back. You’re not the one bringing in the money, Lilith, so screw you. Screw acknowledgments. Screw OT payments. Screw the tap on the back. Screw this work, I’m going to sleep now. No, wait, I can’t.

After this, I’ll go get myself a new tattoo. I’ll have the mad artist design it for me.

I should also probably get myself a new job. Or some sleeping pills to relax me. Or a new boyfriend. Screw the boyfriend, I’ll just go get myself a new pet.

Funny because it’s supposed to be Araw ng Kalayaan today. Screw Aguinaldo, Bonifacio and the Katipuneros. No freedom for me here.

What the hell am I saying?

Back to work, Lilith, and don’t fall asleep. You’ll probably be here until 3 in the morning.

Still alone in the office.

P.S.

If you’re reading this in the morning and in the news you heard about goons bitten (not beaten) to death, those were probably my molars. They fought off those darned rapists. Haha. Really sleepy now. Not even a coffeemaker in this damned office.