Trying to conquer myself
Strange as it may seem, but every day, as I push forward into becoming the “new me,” I find temptations that could pull me back, to reel me in, to relapse. Temptations in the form of a bad news, of self-disappointment, of discontent, of financial woes, of bitter endings, of nagging frustrations, of insecurities, of an ugly face staring back at me from the mirror.
I would love to come out of this body so I could slap my own face and tell the unstable Me that these are not really temptations…that it’s just my emotions clouding my judgment. Look, I’ll tell my Self as I hold out the mirror, this is a beautiful woman in her own little way. Look, you WILL overcome these financial woes because you and your sister are working your darndest best to get more money. Look, there’s no reason to be eaten up by your insecurities BECAUSE YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN. The people who love you know that too. Eccentric, yes, in so many ways you are. But that doesn’t remove the fact that you ARE amazing. Those who think you’re otherwise are gravely mistaken.
I want to feel good about myself, I really do. In fact, I’ve been feeling proud about myself lately. But sometimes, certain circumstances tend to pull me down. And I’m not blaming anyone for those circumstances…they are inevitable. I just have my self to blame because this is not how normal people would deal with things. Normal people would just shrug these off. Why can’t I be normal then? Good question: I’ve been working so hard to be normal. Who wants to feel these intense emotions and feelings of gloom anyway? I’m just tired…tired, tired, tired.
May 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I say amen to the things you really should say to your self. You ARE amazing. Remember that.
And about being “normal”.. what is normal anyway? Who has the right to set norms when each and every one of us is made differently? So what if you’re having these lapses of pessimism? What makes you over and above “normal” is that you are trying your darndest to be better in everything. These are just hiccups, as I’d like to think. And even if everything doesn’t get better eventually or sooner than you want, I believe that you’ll be okay. And that you’ll do just fine.
Ang haba, I should’ve just emailed. Hehe.
May 28, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Thanks Ria…thank you talaga for “guiding” me.
And yes, I know I’ll do just fine. Thank you, thank you!
June 2, 2008 at 10:07 pm
don’t be too hard on yourself…two months pa lang naman ang nakalipas eh…im proud and even amazed nga na you’re recovering real fast…basta enjoy life. isipin mo na lang na negative thoughts will ruin your good mood…sabi nga nina bentot “basag-trip pag masyado kang nagiisip”…=)
June 3, 2008 at 12:51 pm
tenkyu pottie! yes, sometimes I do think too much. basag trip! ;p
June 4, 2008 at 2:05 pm
think of it as a transition phase…am experiencing the same way now, since I quit my writing job. Minsan I feel worthless, bagsak ang self-esteem ko, ang hirap ‘pag walang pera, walang kita. But when I really think about it, it’s the best decision I made. Im just glad that am out of that friggin’ office, free from the clutches of pretentious people who build their self-esteem by putting other people down. Be happy!
June 5, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Korek ka jan klutzybarbie! Tinext nga sakin nung friend ko (na BFF ni Pot) quoting Antoine de Saint-Exupery:
“I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man’s self-respect is a sin. “
November 3, 2009 at 10:17 am
I DON’T KNOW VERY WELL ABOUT THIS PEOPLE’S CATEGORY, BUT I WANNA KNOW ABOUT THAT,
November 3, 2009 at 11:12 am
Ummm…ok.
Thanks for visiting my blog. 